There’s a Barbie movie and everyone is talking about it. And I read an interesting article in Psychology Today, What "Barbie" Gets Right About Male Psychology. I never owned a Barbie, but I like Psychology Today, and I’m male. The article hit home. It says, “Men, in my experience, funnel a lot more ‘existential value’ into their partner’s physical affection, touch, and sexual connection.” He got to that point because in the movie, “Barbie has a great day every day, but Ken only has a great day if Barbie looks at him.”

Wow. I can remember my dating life and the ups and downs of those relationships and even the first years of my marriage. My self-esteem went up and down like a roller coaster based on the attention I got from the woman. And Ken has a hard time when Barbie wants to take a break from their relationship. She’s really not looking at him. The solution in the article, as Ken finally understands in the movie, is to work toward “…self-acceptance and self-love….” I think that was the point in my marriage when I realized people made their own happiness and someone being unhappy wasn’t always about me and my deficiencies real or perceived. All I needed to do was just be me.

And I think it applies to friendships as well. No one wants a needy friend. Generally speaking, I think we like confident, self-assured people. But confidence and self-assurance, when they come to you late in life, can prove a fragile construct. It’s easy for the walls to come down. At least that’s my experience because I wonder sometimes why someone likes me, particularly if they’re a higher status person, and that’s a whole other story. And what I tell myself, is to stop worrying about it and just be you. Then I take what comes and so far, it’s been really good.