There is nothing like having a friend tell you about music that makes their heart beat faster, then discovering after you listen to it, that it makes your heart beat faster, too. It’s a little Velcro hook of a moment that helps hold a relationship fast. A shared thing. A commonality. A revelation. Of course, you have no way of knowing how that music came to hold a place in their heart, but it’s another thing to discover.

That’s the nice thing about relationships, going on a voyage of discovery, hearing the stories. How someone met the one they love. How they came to discover the music they enjoy. How they came to be who they are and what they might become. Of course, sometimes they don’t want to talk about parts of their stories. Maybe they’re too painful. But there are stories there and hearing them is how people become three dimensional in my life.

I wasn’t always good at the listening, and I’m not sure I’m any good now, but I’m trying. In the beginning, I knew the form and I’d ask the questions, but nothing stuck. Now days, I think good listeners have a template in their head and as information flows their way they log names of kids, birthdays, spouses, jobs, you name it. Then it’s there for instant recall. I’m still building my template and figuring out how to use it; but such as it is, it seems to be working. And my life is richer for it. So, three cheers for brain plasticity, as this old dog learns a new trick.

John W. Wilson is the author of The Long Goodbye: A Caregiver’s Tale