Starfleet command was right to tell me to take some time off after my extended trip to Red River New Mexico. I was tired. And now maybe it’s time to stop pretending I’m a Starfleet commander, when I’m likely nothing more than a redshirt, an expendable member of the crew, one of those people who has to die occasionally at the hands of the aliens so that Kirk, Picard and the other stars can save the day.

And thus, back to reality, where I’m not even a redshirt. I’m just an aging guy doing his best to get along, and I really was tired, partly of my own doing. I stayed up late and got up early to write. I suppose I could have changed that pattern, but I like writing in the morning right as the greasy wheels of the day are beginning to grind. It’s a nice perspective from which to look back on things, and the trip to Red River gave me an abundance of things to ponder.

Chief among them was the fleeting nature of time. In the grand scheme of things, none of us get very much of it so why waste it. It also became apparent there are a lot of nice people out there and if you extend yourself a bit, they might just reach back and say hello so that something like a friendship begins to develop. And that friendships already in place a can deepen a bit when you spend time together talking. And then somewhere in all that you just might find love if you’re bold enough to look, or not. There’s no guarantees. And this is a lesson I learned a long while back, I’m only responsible for myself in the giving of friendship in the giving of love and it’s not transactional. You may not get it back in equal measure.

John W. Wilson is the author of The Long Goodbye: A Caregiver’s Tale