Another Walk
I did another long walk yesterday. It took me through the national park, over to the Post Office, down past the courthouse, and into the city park. From there I started home. I stopped at the cemetery to visit my wife. I stopped at an art gallery to visit a friend. I stopped once or twice just to smell the air. When I got home, I was pooped. Two and half miles with more elevation change than the last trip, probably because I got closer to the river.
In addition to being pooped I felt enervated, totally lacking the will to do anything, which is what I did most of the day, nothing. My nerves also felt a little raw and sort of short-tempered, as though the walk had worn my patience thin, which is an odd thing to happen because of a walk. I think in large part it might be that as I was walking, I fell into the old habit of thinking, my wife would like this, then realizing she wasn’t around to like anything, and then a little bit of kicking myself for failing to do it earlier when she was around, because she would have liked it.
I guess that’s just going to be part of the new normal, and I probably should get used to it. Old habits die hard, and for a good while it’s likely everything I do by myself will trigger the thought that my wife would like it, until one day it won’t trigger that thought. Or maybe it will still come and just won’t send me into such a funk. I guess that is a bridge I will cross when I come to it. Seems a long way off though, and for a short while it is probably best to realize I’m just getting started on the journey and it might be best to concentrate on the now and let the then take care of itself.