End Game, Part 1
I sure have dreamed a lot lately. Usually, they happen in the second half of my nightly sleep, the part that comes after I wake in the middle of the night. I don’t recall dreaming this much in the past. But here they are now. Last night it was just a series of fragments. Nothing unpleasant. I could recount most of them, but it would be sort of boring. There was one that stood out, however, mainly for its weirdness.
I was driving and using a new app to find my way when suddenly I realized it was a heads-up display and I was right in it, the display. I was no longer seeing real streets and houses, it was virtual reality, which makes sense in a dream, I guess. But it was disconcerting, and I said no and popped right out. But when I woke, I got to thinking about maps and apps and how, in my youth, my life seemed pretty straight forward, all mapped out. Do this, do that, get a job, get married, have kids, get promoted, make money. Big things that occupied lots of years. There were twists and turns along the way, but tons of directions.
Now days, however, I have no idea where I’m going, as in what should I be doing, long term. Death is the only thing I know I see coming, and that’s nothing to strive for, and I’m pretty sure I don’t need an app to find out how to get there. I guess this is the part I get to make up. The mapless part of life. No long term goals. Just day to day. Maybe this is nature’s trick to help me play the end game. I’m not building a life, I’m ending one. And we’re going to do it in lots of tiny pieces, with no pressure. Find things you enjoy doing and do them. And if you find someone to do them with you, that’s a bonus. And try to be happy, and that’s just me talking to myself.
John W. Wilson is the author of The Long Goodbye: A Caregiver's Tale