Getting Better
Whatever I did to my poor old back muscles seems to have eased a bit. Yesterday, as I sat here and typed, I could barely sit here and type. Today? There’s residual soreness, but the spasm seems gone and I can sit and move without a great deal of discomfort. The trick now will be staying silent while the healing progresses because normally once I feel better, I act as though I actually am better. That’s the trick to healing. Patience.
At the moment people are making a big deal out of me cleaning my late wife’s closet, as though that’s a milestone you reach on a journey to somewhere, getting all better after your wife’s passing. But it’s really just something you have to get through and some people never do and that’s okay. Because, if I’ve learned anything about this whole grieving process, it’s the simple truth that we all grieve in different ways, and we heal in different ways, too. Closets are just one of the visible signs that people see and you can talk about, where it makes sense to the uninitiated.
So, for me. It was just time. And I did it. Now, I’ve got stuff stored there along with belongings of hers that mean something to me and practical stuff, too. Like her sewing machine and all the goodies that go with it. I think I’d really like to sew, but I have to be careful. I’ve been known to think things would be a good idea, then never executing said idea. I guess what I ought to do is get the machine out and fire it up and see if it lights up my soul the same way it lit up hers. Because, dear God, she could sew with a casual greatness that made it seem easy. Or maybe I should just be patient and see what comes.
John W. Wilson is the author of The Long Goodbye: A Caregiver’s Tale