Slowing Down
I’m going to gripe about the tools of my trade. I started trying to fire up my computer around 5:35 this morning, and it just now fully came to life at 6:06. I suppose like me it’s showing its age, or I have too many icons on my desktop, or like any computer that ages there’s lots of random stuff left over from updates and bad boots so it’s just going to take more time. Anyway, now here we are. Me typing and the computer suggesting words and phrases. It started.
I am proud that I didn’t do what I used to do, which is get exasperated and start cussing the computer. I’ve just run out of energy to be exasperated. These days I figure if the computer wants to take 30 minutes to boot up maybe I should just go brush my teeth, which is what I did, or and go make a cup of coffee, which also is what I did. Anyway, no more exasperation. And that feels good. Also, I actually think that policy saved my life the other day.
I was traveling home from visiting a friend and found myself at the intersection of highway 290 and 165. There’s a stop sign for me waiting to enter 290 and blinking lights for everyone else. I checked left, no one coming, checked right and saw three cars. The first one pulled up to the blinking light and stopped. And just sat there. I could feel the exasperation rising. Turn, I thought, turn. Then for a brief instant I thought, well, if you’re not turning, I’m going. But then I thought, wait, and as I did a black SUV flew by from my left. I knew instantly why the car at the light had stopped and what would have happened to me if I’d followed that fleeting impulse. I’d be hamburger and no more me. And that’s what slowing down will get you, an extra day or two on this good earth and a computer that eventually starts.
John W. Wilson is the author of The Long Goodbye: A Caregiver's Tale