Turmoil
I’ve just come off a great weekend. Music, friends, laughing children. All the things that bring me joy. Some I did on my own, some I did with others. I think I can keep that ball up in the air. Tonight, I’m having dinner with old friends. Tomorrow I’m having dinner with other old friends. On Thursday, I’m having dinner with a friend, not old but not new either. On Friday, I’m getting a haircut. And on Saturday, music with friends.
Of course, there are still flies in the ointment. My cousin’s husband is sick. A friend’s parents are feeling poorly. Another friend lost her husband recently. And the passing of my wife is still largely on my mind. All these things make me wonder as to the meaning of the struggle. It just seems so, well, never ending to put it mildly. And is it okay to feel good when others are feeling bad? Probably. The counselor always told me, “You have to take care of yourself to take care of others.”
Maybe that’s the answer. Find the joy and pass it along, like throwing little lifesavers to people, giving them something to hold on to while they struggle. Some might ask, “Why worry about those other people?” I’d point them to the first paragraph above and suggest if you want to have dinner with old friends you might try being there for them, even if they don’t feel like having you around sometimes, because in the end they’ll probably remember the kindness when the sorrow lifts. And if they don’t that’s not your problem. Your job is to be there for them. At least, that’s how it seems to me.
John W. Wilson is the author of The Long Goodbye: A Caregiver’s Tale