A Trial
It’s the final week before I go in to get my aneurysm repaired. As almost always happens whenever I have a procedure, e.g. hernia repair or colonoscopy, that puts me to sleep, I wonder about waking up. I wonder about the things that can go wrong. Oddly enough, I’ve come to realize that if I fail to wake up, I won’t know it. So, the pressure’s off there because I won’t wake up and realize I’m dead. But other things can happen and those interest me, but I feel as though they’re low probability and will be bridges I’ll be able to cross if I come to them.
It also occurred to me yesterday, that the hero always has a trial or two to face, and although I’m not a hero in the classic sense, I am the hero of my own story, and my life is an adventure upon which I am embarked. So, this upcoming procedure feels like a trial with danger. I’ll go to sleep. If all goes well, I will awake reborn. The thing that is prepared to kill me (the aneurysm) will be vanquished. I will be a new man, ready to atone for my sins. Although, I did a lot of that after my wife died. So, maybe I won’t have to do it again.
From there I’ll simply try to reap the rewards of my repaired life, grateful for the modern medicine that extended it. I think the trick will be figuring out what do to with this extra time I might be granted, because it feels like a gift. And if it’s given to me, I should be ready. But I suppose I’m putting the cart before the horse. More properly, I should wait and see where I stand next week, because that’s when we’ll know where my story might go.