Chill Day
It’s 55 right now and I’m to expect a high of 55. So, at this very moment my day is not going to get any better in terms of the weather, or at least the temperature portion of it. We might get rain, too. We got rain yesterday, then the sun came out and I was able to work in the yard. Weeded flower beds and started work on a little relaxation spot beneath the big oaks. I expect to finish the ground work this morning. I still have to level and seal the old water trough. That will take warmer weather.
It was nice getting my hands dirty yesterday, and there’s a little soreness in the muscles. Always a good sign. As I worked, I remembered those days several years back when this time of year was dedicated to me being on my knees pulling up khaki weed. I think that hard work was a measured and equal response to my inability to do anything to stem the tide of my wife’s degenerating brain. Even now I find myself second guessing on occasion how it all played out, wondering if I did enough.
I think that’s human nature, though, second guessing, going over the past, looking for mistakes, finding regrets. I think the trick is to understand that was then and this is now and my now is pretty good, all things considered. And during my wife’s decline I did the absolute best I could and maybe keeping the yard looking nice gave her some sense of normalcy. I’ll never know. But it’s a possibility. And now my hard work is an effort to bolster my soul, and that seems a good plan, and nice way to make those memories work to my advantage.
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