A good, odd thing happened the other day. I discovered I had failed to return home from my trip to Virginia with my knit hat, cashmere scarf, and lined leather gloves. I asked my daughter to check the house to see if they were anywhere to be found. When no word came to indicate a positive outcome, this is when the odd, good thing happened. I had no response to my loss other than acceptance. It was a thing that happened and I was good.

Previously, the loss would have struck me to my soul, a favorite hat, a treasured scarf, expensive gloves, gone without a sound, without a trace. I would have mourned like a school boy fretting over a lost love. I would have written poems of despair and loss. I would have grieved, chastised myself for such carelessness, and wondered why it happened to me. Such was my attachment to my worldly goods. They were part of me and now a part of me was gone.

But I have changed. I do believe I could walk away from all my worldly goods and not cast a second glance back. The hat, the scarf, the gloves, were just things I once had, like a wife, a companion. But now, they are gone. And no amount of hand-wring is going to bring them back. I feel as though I may have passed the final test in my journey of understanding that I control my happiness, my contentment. I have; I have not. I’m loved; I’m loved not. I do my best to care for things, to care for people, but in the end impermanence always wins. Nothing except my life is given to me fully, and even that will go at some point.