The Other Women

Yesterday I talked about the foundational women in my life, but there were others who had a large impact as well. My grandmother’s two sisters were by her side almost all of her life and no trip home to San Antonio was complete without seeing them. They too ended up being widows, and I suppose by watching the three widowed sisters and their widowed mother, my great-grandmother, I learned how to grieve. Because despite the losses of the men they loved, they lived and continued to love their family, and thus me, and that’s part of what helped me deal with my own catastrophe.

And that was the loss of my wife of fifty years and another great influence on me. She was the woman who bore my children and took care of them while I tromped the fields of work. And of course, when money got tight as it often did, she stepped up and took jobs when possible. And I know there were times when she felt underappreciated, because she told me. And I know there were times when my work travel placed a heavy a burden on her, because she told me. And I know there were times when she was happy with how things were going, because she told me.

And when I think of us, I think of the Chinese symbol for Yin and Yang, and I see two complementary forces that were greater than the sum of their parts. Neither of us sacrificed our individual identity but rather fused them together into something that felt special and was special. Which is not to say we didn’t give, we did. There were things we surrendered for the greater good, and it seems that working for the greater good might be the key to a lot of things--a successful marriage, a relationship, a business, or a country. And the saying for that is walk a mile in the other person’s shoes, show compassion, and then act accordingly.

Part 25, Living in America: An Old Man’s Journey into His Past